Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

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TheTeddyguy
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby TheTeddyguy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:09 am

I'd disagree, other than the fact that Malorie shot Teddy and is left alone afterwords.

I could change it up by having zombies swarm the place and Malorie being forced to take off if you really think they're that close, but that'd make the ending have less closure I think.
"**** it, it's late."-Coins "Change it later."-Teddy
"She had a face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle."-Jingles
"so he resigned himself to dying in a trash can."

coinsruledude
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby coinsruledude » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:15 am

Aside from the bit of travel/fighting together before Teddy's death and the part where he reflects on all of his sins, I thought it was pretty identical.
Young girl and male guardian are separated from the rest of their group in a zombie-infested city. Male guardian is infected and fights like a beast since he’s already confirmed to be dead. Girl and guardian find safe location within said zombie-infested city. Guardian starts to die. Pair says “I love you” and “Goodbye”. Guardian dies from bite. Headshot. Girl is alone.

You don't have to change it if you don't want to. I'm just saying I thought they were similar.
"You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge." ~Karl Pilkington
"**** it, it's late. Change it later." ~Me and Teddy

TheTeddyguy
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby TheTeddyguy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:21 am

There are only so many ways it could have played out. The only way I could really change that up is if I had Teddy go down like a chump earlier on, or have Malorie go full retard and get separated from him as they traveled through the city. Any other way I could spin it makes the ending half as satisfying, which is a bit criminal for a character who's been in nearly every story from the universe. If you come up with another scenario that changes it drastically but keeps the ending satisfying then I'll spend the two plus hours rewriting it I guess.

But until then, I'll be working on the intro to the new short. The entire first 'chapter' will be Malorie's journey back to Sydney, then we'll skip ahead a few years like I told you in the message.
"**** it, it's late."-Coins "Change it later."-Teddy
"She had a face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle."-Jingles
"so he resigned himself to dying in a trash can."

coinsruledude
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby coinsruledude » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:31 am

Sounds fine to me.

NOW WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO BE DONE COPYING THIS DOWN IN A WORD DOCUMENT TEDDY GOD YOU'RE TAKING FOREVER, lol.
"You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge." ~Karl Pilkington
"**** it, it's late. Change it later." ~Me and Teddy

TheTeddyguy
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby TheTeddyguy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:34 am

I'll try and have it copied down by next week but no promises. I'm eager to see just how many pages we have for this thing.
"**** it, it's late."-Coins "Change it later."-Teddy
"She had a face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle."-Jingles
"so he resigned himself to dying in a trash can."

coinsruledude
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby coinsruledude » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:36 am

Forum page-wise, it's just under 40 longer than Endless Seas, so it's probably around the same length.
"You can only talk rubbish if you're aware of knowledge." ~Karl Pilkington
"**** it, it's late. Change it later." ~Me and Teddy

TheTeddyguy
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby TheTeddyguy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:37 am

I think we had more long posts in this, but we'll see.
"**** it, it's late."-Coins "Change it later."-Teddy
"She had a face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle."-Jingles
"so he resigned himself to dying in a trash can."

Smerg
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby Smerg » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:43 am

As someone with only scant knowledge of the story at best, that was a pretty sad ending, and for what I know of Teddy as a character a pretty good one. I enjoy'd it.
"If all else fails: duck. As a method of defense it's unreliable, but incredibly reassuring for a second or two." - Unknown

TheTeddyguy
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby TheTeddyguy » Wed Dec 10, 2014 3:45 am

Smerg wrote:As someone with only scant knowledge of the story at best, that was a pretty sad ending, and for what I know of Teddy as a character a pretty good one. I enjoy'd it.

I'm glad you liked it, input from people outside of other writers for this stuff is great to have.
"**** it, it's late."-Coins "Change it later."-Teddy
"She had a face like a bulldog licking **** off a nettle."-Jingles
"so he resigned himself to dying in a trash can."

tyrud
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Re: Lingering Nightmare (OOC)

Postby tyrud » Wed Dec 10, 2014 4:39 am

I thought it was a great post, Teddy. While I agree with coins that the endings are somewhat similar, the fact of the matter is this kind of ending is pretty archetypal and you can see it in other movies and books as well. The fact that it has it's own unique characters and flavor is what actually matters. Very emotional and very fitting.

My one gripe was finding a silencer in the police station. Seems kinda convenient, lol. Other than that, real grade A. Did this one make you tear up?
"Humankind cannot bear very much reality." ~ T. S. Eliot
(⌐■_■)


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